The last couple of weeks I have been going through a bible study at First Baptist Church Odessa entitled “one in a million” by Priscilla Shirer. I do not consider attending this study a coincidence. My journey is taking place while this bible study is being offered and while the Sunday school lessons are on the same material. There are many woman that attend on Thursday mornings that I have not become acquainted with nonetheless I sit at the front table with much anticipation and still…a heavy heart.
Right before our week two session began the bible study leader came to me and handed me a book, “Praying God’s Word” by Beth Moore. There is a chapter in the book on loss, mainly about losing a loved one to death. I read the chapter on loss, because if you haven’t experienced a divorce and/or annulment then you may be unaware there is a grieving period. Beth Moore made two very poignant points in this chapter: The first is death of a marriage can cause debilitating grief. The second is no loss is created equal, and no mourner is exactly the same.
When my first marriage ended I did not grieve like I have been with the ending of my second marriage. My divorce with my first husband was not a stronghold. Yes, I did grieve but the grief has not been unmanageable for me. I had already been grieving the last years of our marriage. This may be hard for some of you to read because you knew my first husband and I…and for many years you knew us.
The ending of my second marriage has caused quiet more pain and grief. On Thursday, May 19th the information given to me was more than what I could absorb. I walked in a fog for nearly two weeks in complete denial. I realized a few weeks back on I-20 (in a complete meltdown) I was simply breathing for my son and that is not what I wanted for my life. I want to live.
It’s nearly been a month since the annulment was finalized. I have come a lot further in the last six weeks than what I would have expected out of myself. My minutes have felt like days and my seconds have felt like minutes. I don’t know how long it will take me to complete this part of my journey, but I am following Christ in sight not just by hearing. I imagine God cupping my face and whispering softly, "Follow Me."
Showing posts with label Priscilla Shirer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Priscilla Shirer. Show all posts
6.30.2011
Whisper My Name
The Keurig. Do I need to say anything more? It's a simple brewing system that puts a smile on my face each morning. It’s the simple pleasure of knowing I am doing something for myself. I choose my single cup flavor and I no longer have to think about wasting a pot of coffee. This morning I picked the french vanilla k-cup, placed it in the holder, pressed start, waited for the heating process to finish, then the choice of the cup size is spurred on by the blue flickering lights. In one minute I have satisfaction of making my own cup of coffee.
This morning while I was in autopilot in front of the Keurig I realized how anxious I have become. My sleep pattern consists of not much sleep at night and naps in the afternoon, though the last three nights I have had a full nights rest. My thoughts are all over the place and not all of them are about my recent annulment. I have created a mental list of concerns and frustrations that I keep talking to God about. His answer to the majority of my concerns and frustrations are “wait,” “don’t do that” and “stop.”
My iPhone is near and I pull up my account on Facebook. I have a sweet friend, Courtney, whose baby girl just went through brain surgery to remove a malignant brain tumor. Courtney and Phil are clenching on to God for support, comfort, and strength. This morning she posted her daily devotion and I found it to be written for me too. It made the list of concerns and frustrations dissipate so I could focus on what needed to be focused on FIRST this morning.
“Your early morning thoughts are anxious ones until you get connected with Me. Whisper My name. You gain confidence through knowing that I am with You—that you face nothing alone. Anxiety stems from asking the wrong question…The true question is not whether you can cope with whatever happens, but whether you and I together can handle anything that occurs.”
My coffee had been ready for awhile and I walked away from the Keurig not just with a simple satisfaction of making my own cup of coffee, but with hope that I will get through the wilderness. Priscilla Shirer said, “The wilderness is God doing a favor for us. He wants us to see His divine ability to work miracles. He wants us to see His divine ability operating through us so we can see the potential in us that we never thought was there.”
Hugs and Loves,
Karri
This morning while I was in autopilot in front of the Keurig I realized how anxious I have become. My sleep pattern consists of not much sleep at night and naps in the afternoon, though the last three nights I have had a full nights rest. My thoughts are all over the place and not all of them are about my recent annulment. I have created a mental list of concerns and frustrations that I keep talking to God about. His answer to the majority of my concerns and frustrations are “wait,” “don’t do that” and “stop.”
My iPhone is near and I pull up my account on Facebook. I have a sweet friend, Courtney, whose baby girl just went through brain surgery to remove a malignant brain tumor. Courtney and Phil are clenching on to God for support, comfort, and strength. This morning she posted her daily devotion and I found it to be written for me too. It made the list of concerns and frustrations dissipate so I could focus on what needed to be focused on FIRST this morning.
“Your early morning thoughts are anxious ones until you get connected with Me. Whisper My name. You gain confidence through knowing that I am with You—that you face nothing alone. Anxiety stems from asking the wrong question…The true question is not whether you can cope with whatever happens, but whether you and I together can handle anything that occurs.”
My coffee had been ready for awhile and I walked away from the Keurig not just with a simple satisfaction of making my own cup of coffee, but with hope that I will get through the wilderness. Priscilla Shirer said, “The wilderness is God doing a favor for us. He wants us to see His divine ability to work miracles. He wants us to see His divine ability operating through us so we can see the potential in us that we never thought was there.”
Hugs and Loves,
Karri
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