There are many levels of transitions that are taking place as we walk through the natural steps of the ups and downs of blending our two families into one. Many transitions have taken place. I cannot write about or discuss about most of our daily life because the effect would be great. Josh and I choose to keep quiet, excluding family, because our children are so precious. There will be a point in time when I will be able to express a few things more freely about this time period. I truly feel in my heart that everything Josh and I have gone through and continue to go through concerning our divorces, our kids and just daily living, is God's way of allowing me to see His faithfulness even when I lose sight and think a situation has NO spiritual significance.
One of my daily routines is picking up the kids from school and taking them home. Usually, the oldest girl gets changed and will then fill the afternoon air with last seasons cheer songs and she cheers/dances in the front yard. The youngest girl and Brayden (I tend to say a prayer as they walk out the door) explore, become inventors with found objects during the afternoon adventures and are highly imaginative. They play hard. I tend to watch out the window and go through Brayden's daily folder. In the very back of his daily folder his winter journal was placed there by his teacher. I began to read...
I came across a journal entry that made me sit back and cry...and cry hard. Brayden was three when Russ and I divorced. As a parent I have been wondering what Brayden has been internalizing...what are his thoughts that are easier to say on paper than the thoughts that are harder to express verbally.
He can verbally tell me that he loves and misses his dad and Kristy.
As a sidenote: Thank you God that Brayden has a (step)mom that loves him and cares for him. I never worry or fret when I hand Brayden over to his parents. He is able to freely talk about anything that takes place at either home. Brayden tends to talk about his dad at the dinnertable. So far, his dad has done everything, met everybody and has been all over the world. LOL!!!
I found his 1st written journal on love. When I read the journal it made me realize he is expressing some of what he has been internalizing...
Love is...
1. Mom and Dad
2. I won't be bad.
3. Love is our heart.
4. Love never lets you part.
I pray that Brayden accepts Christ. Brayden is right, love needs to be our heart. The last year and a half I have been making a push with him in regard to his heart: compassion, seeing others with a soul--an eternal value placed on everyone's life, choosing to serve and not be served. Do I use these exact words? No. I use appropriate wording and situations he is facing to help him get to the point of realizing that life is not about him and him only.
I pray as his heart is healing with the wounds from Russ and I getting a divorce that his heart is love. It would sadden me to the core of who I am if I allowed him to walk around in the arrogance of the wound.
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