Never Look Surprise

I am curious to know if any other moms or dads have a flood of memories that pour through your mind while singing Happy Birthday to your child. Last night we celebrated Brayden's 6th birthday a little early this year...two days. I can usually start with the first two words of the Happy Birthday song, but as friends and family carry on with the song my mind drifts down memory lane. I get choked up a little bit thinking about how his chubby cheeks are not so chubby anymore, how the sweet little boy voice of a two year old is gone, how thankful I am that he still wants me to read to him each night, his silly and goofy smiles, how his BIG blue eyes sparkle at times, need I say more?

This was a harder birthday than most, of course nobody knew. I had a friend keep Brayden yesterday while I went to the shop, but on the way home in the mid-afternoon I remembered I needed to grab a few things for his party. It's the timing of Brayden's comments and questions that seem erratic. As I was breezing through the aisles Brayden said out loud, "My Patrick is coming tonight to my party." I paused, reminding myself not to look surprise or taken off by the comment. In the middle of the hotdog aisle I said, "I don't think he is coming." There were a few more things exchanged in those few minutes in the aisle, but in the end I reminded Brayden that God is the one who is going to be constant in our lives. Even though we had family, friends, and a massive Cars 2 jumper, I noticed he walked to the front window. All the family and our close friends were eating their hotdogs and Brayden was looking out the window to see if Patrick was outside. Brayden never ate his hotdog and he never tasted his birthday cake last night. This is heart wrenching to share. Our journey to move forward without someone we love is a daily battle to keep pressing forward. The memories shared can never be taken from our minds and hearts.

I am nearing the end of "one in a million" Bible study by Priscilla Shirer. I have taken a lot from this Bible study and I have seen God working in my life this summer. I will walk away from the Bible study with a deeper impression of God's hand in my life. God is a jealous God. He wants me to want Him more than any person or "thing." Last night after I read Brayden's story to him I mentioned to him that I saw him looking out the window. He said, "my Patrick." I mustered up all my feelings and without even breaking a tear in front of him I said, "Brayden, just as you are looking out the window for Patrick...God wants you to be looking for Him." He leaned back on his pillow and put his hands behind his head and said, "When will Jesus be in me?" I said, "When you ask."

It doesn't get any better than this. My prayer for Brayden is that he never stops dreaming with His father. Happy Birthday to my "B."